Friday, May 6, 2011

Jumping in with both feet

So now that I'm really Mrs. D, I feel like I should explain why, after almost 6 years of refusal I actually did it. I pride myself on being a woman of my word, someone who stands by my beliefs, but I'm also very observant and reflective.

I didn't want to change my name mainly because I didn't like his... and partly because I felt like I was losing a part of myself. My last name is really all I have as a connection to my fathers side of my family (we're not exactly close) and I felt like I had to give up more than he did, so partly it was my way of rebelling.

I considered hyphenating, adding his behind mine (no hyphen) or just leaving it be.... and then I looked at the examples I had. The some of people I know who had hyphenated are no longer together. Some of the ones I know who never changed their names divorced, and his mom (Momma D: married 30+ yrs), his grandmother (Grandma D: married 50+ years)..still married. (and Yes, I realize that MANY who change their names end up divorced.) I'm not saying I think changing you're name will lead to happily ever after or that it is a magic formula to wedded bliss, but in my specific case I felt like holding on to my last name would be half-assing my marriage. Maybe in the back of those people's minds they knew where their marriages were headed so they didn't see the point, maybe not, maybe I'm thinking too much as usual...but I really want to do everything I can to make my husband happy. If in the end, I end up "like them" to not use the D word, I'd like to feel like I did EVERYTHING in my power. I want to be able to say I've given this marriage my all. I have given my heart, my life, my future to this man, so what's a last name? Especially if it means that much to him?

Honestly, as much as I hate(d) the last name I've never felt so good...It feels like we were in a pretty little box together and the name change just put a bow on it...we are a package all the way around now. Our kids will have "our name", it just feels whole.

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